On Having Children

I’m 29. When my mom was 25 she had two daughters, one of whom had cancer, and a full-time job. I’m a nanny, and I love it so very much, but if I’m being honest at all my work hours each day are all the love output I can give.

Parents truly blow me away with how much they love their children and how constant that love is. At the end of my day I’m glad to go home & rest my face a little bit. It’s like I have no smiles left to give for a while and I need to recharge.

My mom ran a preschool (which I attended each day) and every night after work she went to be with my sister in the children’s hospital during her cancer treatments. How did she do it? When did she sleep? How did she have smiles left for each of us?!

I look back at myself at 25 years old and it seems like I was just a kid. I was proud of myself for taking care of my dog. Now I’m 29 and proud of myself for having two Chihuahuas and a kitten and caring for them. I guess I won’t be ready for human children of my own for quite a while.